just venting

I am so frustrated! I think I've had about as much as I stand. It's one of those moments where I feel like I'm drowning. Where I just have to be still and practice breathing! I disciplined my 6 year old and my 9 year old for fighting. They get in knock down drag out fights often. My 6 year old thinks he can hit and say sorry and things are ok. My 9 year old is sick and tired of my 6 year old hitting him. SO, I disciplined them, trying to teach my 6 year old that sorry doesn't make it ok, and my 9 year old that when he fights back, it teaches my 6 year old that it's ok to hit.

SO, after a time out, my nine year old said, "If I jumped off the cliff, no one would care!" With mental illness so prevalent on both sides of his family (his dad and mine) Those kind of comments cut me right to the quick. I know kids say those things, and he's speaking out of anger more than anything...I hope. I try not to react, but instead just say, "that's not true, I love you and God loves you."

I can't even imagine how bad that would hurt, for a parent to have to bury a child. I think that would be multiplied by ten million if that child, no matter what age had taken their own life. I pray that I never have to find out.

I want him to know, just like I want everyone to know the truth. Even when you think that no one cares, there is always someone. Not only does the God who made you love you. But there's always a friend, a family member, a teacher, who's life was impacted  for the better by your life. Even if they don't say it, even if they're not in contact. LIFE IS PRECIOUS! People care.

I really hope that this little boy just knows somewhere inside his hyper and angry body, that he's loved. That his life to me is more precious than all the treasure on the earth. I would give my life for him right now. I also hope that somehow, as his mom, I'm doing something right.